I have been trying to go to therapy here at the Ministry for a while now. Has not been working. I don't like to tell her what I'm thinking, what I went through. I don't like to talk about my life with her, it's strange. You would think since I know I need to talk about it, I would be able to. I can't. I can't say a word past the niceties.

I don't mind wasting the money, really I don't. Doesn't really cost that much anyway, what my insurance doesn't cover. I just hate knowing I can get better, that I can move on and I can't.

She suggested I go to group therapy, that maybe listening to others who have similar problems will help me open up or heal. She really thinks that may be the best idea, but it's up to me.

I think I will try it, one session see if it's for me.

Because I threw Jared's gifts into the fire, I come home to a malicious owl. Then I get an apologetic owl with earrings. 
What in Merlin? I don't know what I'm going to do with them yet, but I definitely am not going to wear them.


If I didn't think he'd enjoy it so damn much, I would confront him about this.

I don't know what to do.

Prat Jared. Apparently I did not make myself clear.

Will be throwing clothes into the fire.


Have been feeling unsafe as of late, do not know if wards will stand to a fight. Vaisey's was the best around, or so I've heard in the office.

Unsure of what to do.

Ran into Jared today at lunch. He was rather gentlemanly. And he offered to have someone look at my wards. Strange how things turn out. A month ago I didn't want to see him, now I don't know what I want. I don't want a relationship, that's for sure. Jared doesn't seem relationship material.


But it would be nice to spend time with someone again. I  hate being so alone.

I am also still a little perturbed that I didn't think to have someone look at my wards. Merlin knows what might have happened.

He seems different.

To do list:
Meet up with Lavender Brown again.
Have wards looked at.

Read all of Lavender Brown's articles today. She is very ... bold. All of her articles seem scholarly, with thorough research, and some with a hint of sarcasm. I enjoyed them, I did. Except the ones from France. It didn't appear they gave her much to work on over there. Damned French. If it weren't for their cuisine and  amazing fashion ideas(most of the time, anyway) I would draw two lines through their name and be done with it.

So, sometime in the next week or so I have to figure out a way to become friends with her. Apparently she was robbed a few weeks ago. My sources tell me that she currently resides at the Leaky Cauldron although, she must have been in an awful situation to go there. That place is downright pestiferous at times.

So, that seems to be my best shot. Meet her over coffee or dinner at the Leaky and get to chatting. Maybe we'll make a bit of 'habit' of it.

Lavender Elizabeth Brown:
DoB: April 11^th, 1980
Went to Hogwarts. Gryffindor
Just moved back from France recently
Writes for the Daily Prophet
Was robbed by unknown perpetrators
Is missing a family heirloom (Check in on this? It could be a good window)
Currently staying at The Leaky Cauldron
Not very well off, no vault to speak of. Seems to live from week to week on her wages from the Prophet.
Lactose intolerant

Am so bored. Work is work, and that keeps me busy at the office. It's when I am at home in this huge house that  I am bored. Tracey is off doing Merlin knows what in the States. I have been tasked nothing by the Glorious Mother.

This is when I wish I had more friends. Hell, even looking up Victor and taking him up on his offer to show me around the Department of Mysteries sounds like a good plan. Even if he is a bit handsy.

I could owl Jared...

Well, tonight's another night with a book I guess, although I think I've read my entire library by now. 

Glass half full aspect:
My father loved me
He didn't really want to give me away

Glass half empty aspect:
My father waited until he died to send the owl
My mother is really a bitch, that wasn't a lie
Potter is head of the MLE (I'm sure the Glorious Mother had a good reason)
A pureblood witch was abducted.

Unsure of where to file under:
Saw Jared in the lifts today. That was weird and awkward... again.

It's Tracey's Birthday! I took the afternoon off work and I am going to take her to lunch, have a relaxing day at the spa, and give her her presents!



EDIT: I just  went by Trace's to grab her for lunch and a day at the spa, but she was not there. Her wards kept me out. Strange, that's never happened before.

Think I will owl Greg, see if he knows anything about this.